With Hate, The CIA
by timeroulettego
Summary: The Langley Falls division of the CIA has set up temporary base downtown in South Park, just in time to hear a 'patriotic' speech from young Eric Cartman. Can Kyle and new friend James launch a midnight raid to prevent the rest of the world from getting xenophobic hatemail?


_**A/N:**_ This was the first idea for a _South Park_-based story I had for this site, but other ideas just seem to have been a bit easier to write. I like this idea, but I really don't know how long it'll be before this gets another update. I did finish this first chapter, though, so let me know what you think of the cross-over.

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_Thursday 22nd November 2012, 08:50_

"Okay children let's take our seats," Mr. Garrison announced from the front of a rowdy schoolbus parked in downtown South Park. "Remember the rules I gave you all, you are all to _stay in the groups_ that you are assigned to, this temporary complex is being operated by the CIA, so it is even more important than before that you listen to everything you are told."

"You say that on every trip!," one of the students shouted.

"I know _Clyde_, but this is the CIA, the highest national security authority in the country, they have every right to arrest and torture you little bastards if you step out of line. As part of the partnership between our towns because of that high-speed trainline, the Langley Falls division have chosen South Park as their annual mountain base retreat, they are not going to cause any trouble, just here to perform their day-to-day administrative functions in a different environment, but I have been told that they have brought along several interesting artifacts for visitors on the facility tour, which we are going on today for this field trip. Plus we're getting all getting the day off tomorrow to celebrate 'the partnership', so don't you dare upset them enough to make them change their goddamn minds!"

"So... what groups are we getting into?" asked James, an English boy in a green coat and dark purple winter hat sitting by a window next to Kenny McKormick.

"Pfft, hopefully not with you dude, you French piece of crap," the fat boy directly in front and on his own seat, Eric Cartman, noted.

"Just ignore him dude, remember, he says this sort of shit all the time," the green-hatted boy in front of both of them reassured his foreign friend, backed up with a 'yeah' from the boy next to him, Stan Marsh.

"Ay! I just wanna keep our country pure with Americans. Anyone else can stay here, but they gotta learn their place, you know. Same goes for the Jews, like you Kahl, and Latinos like Mr. Valenzuela over there, they're no better than the crap on our shoes."

"_Que?_"

"Hey, I'm just as American as you are, and just 'cause other people weren't born here doesn't make them less a part of this country or beneath us, you fat retard!"

"Kyle! Eric! Watch your fucking language!"

"Sorry." The arguing parties reluctantly apologised to their teacher.

"That's better, I expect no shenanigans once we're inside the facility. Kyle's right Eric, this country was founded to be inclusive of all people who live here regardless of where they come from, even if they're stupid little forieign-borns like James and Butters."

"Well, ahh... that's not true sir, I was born in Hawaii, my mom and dad said that that's part of America," the timid blonde boy sat in front of Kyle spoke up.

"That depends on your point of view Butters, Hawaii looks pretty damn foreign to me. So that we get an even number of people in the groups and a bit of variety, Group A will consist of all people sat in aisle seats, while Group B will be all the children sitting by the windows right now. I will be taking Group B to keep an eye on you two Kyle and Eric, while Mr. Valenzuela will look after A," the teacher explained while motioning to the foreign bus driver.

The 4th-grade class complied as their teacher took register and assigned groups, with Mr. Valenzuela taking the first half of children off the bus and into the complex, and 5 minutes later 'Group B' were out of the vehicle, as Mr. Garrison ran a final check at the gate from his list. "Okay, Annie, Bebe, Butters, Clyde, Eric, Esther, Gary, Heidi, Kevin, James, Jimmy, Kyle, Nichole, all here? Good, lets go inside."

After passing through a security screening, the students found themselves met by a teenage boy with glasses and a winter coat on and an identity badge around his neck, greeting: "Hello, my name's Steve, and I've been appointed as your tour guide today because my dad said they could get away with paying me and my colleague a fraction of the legal wage. My friend Max Rastamillion is taking the other group from South Park Elementary who are just starting their tour, so we have a few minutes to kill before getting started. Are there any questions?"

After a nervous few seconds and prompting from their teacher, Clyde put his hand up: "Do you guys have guns here?"

"You're damn right we have guns son," a navy-suited man announced as he arrived to meet the group, before whispering: "Hi Steve, err... I can take over with this for a minute, I need you to deal with our fellow employee 'Max', he's trying to mix blood samples into a bottle of beer and aside from it being a waste of our stuff I just don't think it's very 'kid-friendly' material. I'd deal with it myself, but you can probably get him back on the job without trying to kill him, he's _really_ trying my patience right now."

The brown-haired teenager left as the man went into a proud speech for the group: "So I'm Agent Stan Smith, and we're here at a temporary base for the CIA, can anyone tell me what that stands for? Yes, you in the green mock commie hat?"

"Err... the Central Intelligence Agency?" Kyle suggested.

"Good job there..."

"Kyle."

"That's what I was looking for, good job Kyle, we'll make an agent out of you yet. So as you may know, the towns of South Park, Springfield, Quahog, Langley Falls, and Stoolbend pooled their excess insurance payouts together to create a high-speed cross-country trainline in 2011. Several other towns have since joined the line on a slightly slower pace, but to celebrate this arrangement, the Langley Falls division of the CIA decided to hold a 5-day mountain retreat in none other than South Park, Colorado. We've been here since Wednesday morning and will pack up on Sunday night, during which time we hope to provide informative and fun events to show you what our organisation is all about, particularly tomorrow when all public services in South Park are being given a day's holiday. We will also be sending our annual end-of year letters of friendship and correspondence to other national intelligence agencies around the world on Saturday morning straight from South Park's Post Office, you probably don't get too many exciting things like this happening in your little town, huh?"

"Actually..." Bebe began.

"-Sorry little girl, don't speak until I've finished. But to kick-start public interest in this initiative, we are inviting students on this tour to stand up at the end and make a speech about America's relationship with the world. We need one volunteer from this group, so who's it going to be?"

Despite not really wanting to, Kyle strongly considered stepping forward to snuff out what was likely to come next, but his greatest fear came true when Cartman quickly put his hand up and volunteered. "I'll do it," he offered.

"Thank you, what's your name son?"

"Eric Cartman," the fat boy replied in a politer voice than normal, never a good sign.

"Alright then Eric, you will be able to have several minutes on-stage at the end of this telling our employees, guests, and your classmates here what you think of America and our relationship with other countries. If you're a little stuck for ideas, then hopefully our tour of the facility will inspire you with things you didn't already know about us and the rest of the world for that matter, your tour guide Steve should be back here to start in a few minutes. Knock 'em dead cowboy."

"Thank you Mr. Smith, I'm sure it will be an informative and entertaining tour, but I already have most of my speech in mind."

"Ohh boy, this can't end well," Kyle quietly noted as he and James exchanged nervous glances.

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_**A/N:**_ First chapter of this cross-over complete, and from the looks of things, the first chapter of any _South Park_/_American Dad_ cross-overs on this site. I'm a record-breaker :).

I am not usually a fan of original characters unless they are in bit-part roles, so I will try and keep 'James' low-profile as much as I possibly can, although he has always been a key part to the idea of this story so this might not be helped at times. As well as being part of the main storyline (more on that in future chapters), he is also a way to link some of the animated towns together without having to explain as much, at least I hope that's the case.

Also, a thank you to the _South Park_ wiki site, I like the show but not enough to remember the names of some of the minor class members.

Don't forget to comment if you like what you see, and I hope you come back for the next chapter whenever I get round to it.


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